Tag Archives: domestic violence

Surviving and Thriving: Advice for Escaping and Beginning Anew after Domestic Abuse

By Nora Hood

This is a guest post by Nora Hood. We collaborated together on the details. I hope you find this helpful as you navigate domestic violence. Nora, we welcome your insights! Thanks for writing.

Leaving an abusive relationship is vital, but it can also be dangerous. With proper safeguards and careful planning, however, you can escape and start anew. This article offers the following advice for safely ending the abuse and beginning a new life.

Plan your escape. Careful planning is the key to a smooth and quick escape from domestic abuse. Do your research on a public computer somewhere like a local library, so your partner can’t trace your steps. Contact an area shelter to establish a relationship and for assistance in developing your plan. If you don’t know of a shelter close to you, reach out to The National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. Domestic Shelters.org is another great resource: https://www.domesticshelters.org/

In case of an emergency, teach your children how to call 911, and reach out to someone your partner doesn’t know who could provide shelter for you and your children should the need arise. Think through what escape route is most practical in your home, remembering stairwells, windows, and doorways. Using positive language, make a plan with your children of how you will meet if you become separated.

Start packing. Love Is Respect recommends creating an escape kit. This will include your daily necessities, such as medications, keys, money, clothing, your children’s needs such as diapers, toys, and formula, and contact information for your friends, family members, workplace, and creditors. You should also pack your identification information and legal paperwork for you and your children, such as marriage certificate, restraining orders, birth certificates, naturalization papers, Social Security cards, green cards and passports, insurance information, school records, and work visas. Also, pack what small, sellable items you can, such as electronic devices, jewelry, and cameras.

Once you’re out. Contact your child care providers and schools to advise them who is allowed to speak to your children. Avoid places where you used to go with your abuser, such as restaurants, banks, theaters, and shopping centers. Preserve your external safety by locking doors and windows at all times and screening phone calls, since your abuser may attempt to contact you. Steer clear of unsafe locations, such as bars and mutual friends, and connect with someone who can be your safety representative. This is someone you can trust and who can accompany you much of the time, especially at night.

New home. When your situation becomes more stable, you may decide it’s time to buy a new home. A home of your own can add to your security and help you rebuild your life and confidence. As CNBC explains, there are several steps for purchasing a home. You will need to tally your annual income, how much you can afford, evaluate your monthly spending, decide what kind of loan is best for you, and consider the current average annual percentage rate (APR). Once you have your finances figured out, you can use an online search tool to look for homes that fall within your price range where you live.

In addition to budgeting for your home purchase, consider setting aside extra funds for emergencies and unanticipated expenses since there will be moving costs, potential upgrades, and maintenance. As a rule of thumb, budget 10 to 20 percent of your home’s price for repairs and maintenance. For the sake of safety, strongly consider having all the doors rekeyed, and having additional deadbolts installed. Given the circumstances, you want to be as careful as possible. Search for reputable locksmiths in your area, and don’t be afraid to ask about their experience and whether they warranty their work. It also can’t hurt to ask if they’re offering any specials.

New life, new you. Escaping from abuse can be terrifying, but it’s vital. Stay safe, plan carefully and make thoughtful choices. You can begin anew, reframing and rebuilding your life securely.

“You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender.”

― John Mark Green

Red Headed Book Lover Book Review by Aimee Ann

Some Parts are NOT for Sharing, Julie Federico

March 5, 2019 s

by Aimee Ann

Abuse & Substance AbuseChildren & Picture BookLiterature & Fiction

Travel with a pair of friendly fish as they learn about what parts of our bodies we share with others. Children will learn what the boundaries of appropriate touching are in a very non-threatening way. School Counselor Julie Federico begins the imperative conversation of personal boundaries in Some Parts are not for Sharing. Children will enjoy learning about their bodies as they get some important information from a pair of fish. Parents will marvel at the simple straightforward language and use of sea creatures that create this message all children must hear. 

Book lovers I am obsessed, I am obsessed with Some Parts are NOT for Sharing, and as I read it with my children I thought to myself “this book needs to be in every school” and it truly does. Some Parts are NOT for Sharing is one of the most poignant, endearing and moving children books I have read in a long time. Occasionally I will come across that one children’s book that will astound me, and Some Parts are NOT for Sharing is that book to me thanks to its important story and captivating sentiments laced throughout the book. If you are a parent or know children within your family and or friend group, then already I recommend Some Parts are NOT for Sharing because this is the most important book for children to read and if you do not believe me then I challenge you to read this book because you will soon be converted!

Some Parts are NOT for Sharing is a sensational book that will introduce the reader to a group of friendly and adorable fish. The reader will follow the fish as they learn about what part of our bodies we can share with others. The reader will also learn about personal boundaries and what is inappropriate touching. All while the reader learns this they will also be entertained by the captivating story, and this book lovers is the premise of the incredible Some Parts are NOT for Sharing!

The story of Some Parts are NOT for Sharing is outstanding and full of a host of poignant themes and messages thanks to the exceptional author Julie Federico. Federico throughout her book explores many topics and themes throughout her book with the main one being about your body and not sharing some parts. This theme and many more are perfectly weaved together into one mesmerizing read, and the result is a delightful book that all children should read or be read. The story of Some Parts are NOT for Sharing, is rich and vivid and will captivate young readers minds with its vivid descriptions, images, and characters.

Julie Federico is an exceptional author thanks to her impeccably well-developed story, but she is also an excellent writer thanks to the themes she explores throughout her novel as well as her glorious descriptions. My children adored this book, and they wanted to read it numerous times, and I believe this is thanks to the original story that combines many emotive and entertaining themes and because it is easy to read. There is no use of complicated or technical words throughout the book; instead, it is written in an easy to read and flawless way which will captivate and alight young readers minds with amazement while also informing them on very important topics. The illustrations laced throughout the book are just as phenomenal as the writing, and young readers will adore looking at them.

As Some Parts are NOT for Sharing is an informative, moving, compelling and entertaining children’s book that all children should read, I, of course, have to award this book a dazzling five stars! So please, all parents please do buy and read this book for your child and all those that have young nephews, cousins, and nieces, etc should buy this book for them as it is one of the most charming children’s book I have ever encountered.

To order this book and other titles by Julie Federico visit: http://soo.gd/XM6E


October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. “15.5 million children in the United States live in families in which partner violence occurred at least once in the past year.” – Journal of Interpersonal Violence, Violent Childhood Experiences and the Risk of Intimate Partner Violence in Adults, 2003. https://safehouse-denver.org/domestic-violence/information/children.html
This static rattles me every time I report it. It feels gripping and overwhelming. I am trying to end domestic violence and help the 15.5 million children who are without a voice. I wrote Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT in 2012. I am quietly ending domestic violence one book at a time by getting children to report violence. This book has a great double message and is also an effective tool for toddlers struggling with temper tantrums. The book teaches replacement behaviors to tantrums. To help celebrate Domestic Violence Awareness Month I am discounting the price of Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT to $15.00 until the end of the month. The book retails on Amazon for $22.99 with shipping.  Please private messages me if you would like a copy. Domestic violence is built on silence I am hoping to change this and make violence prevention something everyone talks about. Other ways to be involved in supporting the month awareness:

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Early Childhood Book Share: Park Hill Library

Early Childhood Book Share
Wednesday, February 8, 6:30 p.m. @ Park Hill Library;

An adult book club celebrating books for preschool and early elementary aged children. This month’s topic: Child safety with special guest Julie Federico. Julie has written several children’s books that can be used to spark conversations with children on difficult social problems including domestic violence prevention, child abuse prevention, and school violence prevention.

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Anger is OKAY Violence is NOTFriends Are Wonderful

1 A Students Can Help Keep Schools SafeA-The-Bad-Guys600Some-Parts-are-NOT-for-Sharing-with-sticker200

Barnes & Noble Parent Day December 12th

Barnes & Noble Platt Park Parents Day
Crafts and story hour for children. Holiday shopping for parents.
Children’s Services Author Julie Federico will be signing and reading her landmark children’s prevention books.
December 12, 2016 4-6pm
Phone: (303) 691-2998

Address: 960 S Colorado Blvd, Glendale, CO 80246


Friends Are Wonderful1 A Students Can Help Keep Schools SafeAnger is OKAY Violence is NOT

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Too apparel: Women’s underwear, we donate a pair to women’s & children’s shelters for every pair purchased

Too Apparel Web Logo (2)







Too Apparel is a “buy-one, give-one” women’s apparel company.  Currently we offer 4 styles of women’s underwear and we donate a new pair of undies to a women and children’s shelter for every pair we sell.  We also sell gift certificates to help make gifting panties a little easier.  We launched 6/1/14, the idea came from a desire to give back after a friend lost his battle with addiction.  Our donations help Survivors of domestic violence, assault and addiction.

Some women leave domestic violence sitiuations with only the clothes on their back. They start their new life with the outfit that they probably grabbed without much thought to early in the morning. Not knowing this would be their last morning at home in front of their closet. No one wears two pair of underwear at the same time. Women arrive at the shelter with outfit they have on and one pair of underwear. Enter too.apparel.  They graciously donate a new pair of underwear to a shelter for every pair sold.  This is good news for the women and children at the shelter.  Their new life begins with a new pair of underwear.  When your life is being altered in ways you could never imagine a few years ago a new pair of underwear seems small but it is really a huge gift.

WEBSITE:   too apparel

TWITTER:  too apparel

EMAIL:  [email protected]

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Celebrate with a .99 cent copy of Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Have you got your copy of Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT yet?  For the month of October the price is only ,99 cents for the ebook.

“True emotional intelligence is something recognized and respected but rarely taught and discussed, even among adults. The goal of this worthy project is to engage children in a safe, non-threatening exploration of complicated, often-frightening feelings. Federico lets kids know that anger is normal, though managing its expression can be complicated.

Clear language and child-friendly art invite a direct, straightforward examination of when anger is appropriate and how to safely express it through art, physical activity, tears. What’s not OK is hitting, biting, throwing and hurting. The book gently and clearly reminds its vulnerable audience that adults can find the journey just as tricky as children do. If an adult hurts a child or someone they love, Federico instructs her young readers that telling a trusted adult is a safe and right action for them to take.”                                   Blue Ink Review

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Giggling Green Bean is hosting a books signing



The Giggling Green Bean is hosting a book signing for award winning children’s services author Julie Federico.  Julie will be signing her landmark books Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT, Some Parts are NOT for Sharing and Algunas Partes NO Son Para Comparitir.

July 5, 2014


The Giggling Green Bean

3929 Tennyson St, Denver, CO 80212
(720) 988-3725

Abusers frequently have the following characteristics:

This information was shared by Abuse No More on Facebook.  It is a wonderful list, full of validation for those living with domestic violence.

Abusers frequently have the following characteristics:

Often blow up in anger at small incidents. He or she is often easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really very angry.
Are excessively jealous: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser may claim that jealousy is a sign of his or her love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love.
Like to isolate victim: He or she may try to cut you off from social supports, accusing the people who act as your support network of “causing trouble.”
Have a poor self-image; are insecure.
Blame others for their own problems.
Blame others for their own feelings and are very manipulative. An abusive person will often say “you make me mad”, “you’re hurting me by not doing what I ask”, or “I can’t help being angry”.
Often are alcohol or drug abusers.
May have a family history of violence.
May be cruel to animals and/or children.
May have a fascination with weapons.
May think it is okay to solve conflicts with violence.
Often make threats of violence, breaking or striking objects.
Often use physical force during arguments.
Often use verbal threats such as, “I’ll slap your mouth off”, “I’ll kill you”, or “I’ll break your neck”. Abusers may try to excuse this behaviour by saying, “everybody talks like that”.
May hold rigid stereotypical views of the roles of men and women. The abuser may see women as inferior to men, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
Are very controlling of others. Controlling behaviours often grow to the point where victims are not allowed to make personal decisions.
May act out instead of expressing themselves verbally.
May be quick to become involved in relationships. Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together.
May have unrealistic expectations. The abuser may expect his or her partner to fulfill all his or her needs. The abusive person may say, “If you love me, I’m all you need- you’re all I need”.
May use “playful” force during sex, and/or may want to act out sexual fantasies in which the victim is helpless.
May say things that are intentionally cruel and hurtful in order to degrade, humiliate, or run down the victim’s accomplishments.
Tend to be moody and unpredictable. They may be nice one minute and the next minute explosive. Explosiveness and mood swings are typical of men who beat their partners.
May have a history of battering: the abuser may admit to hitting others in the past, but will claim the victim “asked for” it. An abuser will beat any woman he is with; situational circumstances do not make a person abusive.


101 Great Sources for Domestic Violence Prevention

Today’s domestic violence resource link is made possible by Ryanne Gardiner Content Editor @SocialWrkDegree.
101 Great Sources for Domestic Violence Prevention:

Great Sources for Domestic Violence Prevention

Ryanne has worked diligently to compile domestic violence resources from around the nation. I have not seen a more comprehensive list! Thank you to Ryanne for sharing the list and completing all of the research.

If you are a women seeking help from domestic violence be careful about using a home computer to access these on line resources. I think a computer at a library or work would offer you more protection than a home computer. Computers save all kinds of history from sites visited, this history can be erased but I would not trust this function. If you can “erase browsing history” I imagine there is also a way to “restore browsing history.”

The time a women starts to leave a violent relationship or starts to think about leaving is the most dangerous time for her. While she is in the eye of the storm she is not safe, but when she decides to leave her life and well being are greatly at risk. A word to women; you are the abusers drug. If you begin to take steps away from him his violent behavior will escalate. Imagine an addict with no hit, or an addict who just had his drug supply source eliminated. It is not pretty. Please be careful, please seek help from trained professionals to guide you through this oh so dangerous time.

As you read this list you will be surprised at the volume of resources ready to come to the aid of women seeking an escape. When you decide to leave seek the advice of those who have gone before you. Many of them are employed by the agencies listed. Then, can I be the first one to say, “Congratulations on your new life! A better safer life awaits, please get to higher ground today.” These resources will aid you; there is also a state by state section for more regional centers.