Category Archives: Uncategorized

How to Prevent Child Abuse

April is Child Abuse Awareness Month. Yet, this is a topic that needs much more attention than just one month of press. Since the virus has raged throughout the country reporting of child abuse cases has plummeted. While at the same time actual cases of child abuse are skyrocketing. Mandatory reporters have vanished from children’s lives, there is no one to help except the parent who may be the abuser. Children are in such a desperate state and they are for the most part alone.

I think it is wonderful that April is set aside to bring awareness to this problem.  I also have to wonder how it feels to be an abused child in a household filled with control and anger?  I imagine it feels awful lonely and as time goes on and no one rescues you the hopelessness that sets in must be suffocating.  Abused children I am sure wish every month was Child Abuse Awareness Month.  I work to train parents how to keep their kids safe from child abuse.  I also teach young children how to speak up and get help when they are in abusive situations.  It definitely takes a village to intervene with this problem.  I am ending childhood sexual abuse one book at a time but this not fast enough for those living with abuse daily.  It is not fast enough for the five children everyday who die from abuse. #fiveisenough.  1,738 children a year die from child abuse.  This is staggering to my mind and soul.  I feel as if I am holding life preserves with my landmark body safety book Some Parts are NOT for Sharing/Algunas Partes NO Son para Compartir. But just because I hold the life preservers that doesn’t mean I can save everyone. To order your copy of this life saving book visit:  www.juliefederico.com 

In hopes to educate children, my efforts are working.  But five children a day, every day still die usually at the hands of their parents from abuse.  More needs to be done.  More public service announcements, billboards, commercials, and more prevention education.  I am a huge supporter of Erin’s Law, which is moving, across our country state by state.  The purpose of the law is to train all school-age children on child abuse prevention.  There are some lawmakers who oppose this bill; they are not doing children any favors.  But on the positive side, many states have already picked up the law and are making a difference in the lives of children.  Education is the best method for preventing child abuse.  An ounce of prevention can change a child’s life.  Would you like to change a child’s life today?  There is no greater gift a parent can give than the gift of safety. If you want to help here are some easy ways:

  1. Share this link : www.juliefederico.com
  2. Talk with own children about body safety give them permission to tell you if something has happened or is happening to them.
  3.  Contact your local PBS station and ask if they would be interested in airing a child abuse prevention public service announcement.  This is the announcement: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=589839068581920
  4. 4. Ask your preschool or church to have training on child abuse prevention.

If everyone puts forth some effort these efforts will multiply and benefit our children.  Let’s work to make the five a day child abuse deaths a thing of the past.  You can make a difference today. 

How to prevent child abue

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Domestic Violence is Real

October is Domestic Violence awareness month.  I don’t think one month is enough time to shed a lot of light on domestic violence, it is a very complex issue.  But in light of this month’s celebration, I wanted to offer hope to women living with domestic violence.  If hope can be found when your life has been turned upside down and you can not really tell anyone what is going on.

The people who say domestic violence is not real are the same people who say the Holocaust was a hoax.  Domestic violence is real, the pain is real, the chaos and dysfunction equally as real.   It is unfortunately true, it is all too real.  I think when you admit out loud that it is real, you can begin to accept the current situation, and then most importantly begin to change it. 

You need to think only in these simple terms and not shovel grief, regret, and guilt on yourself. Many women spend so much time trying to answer the peaceful sleep interrupted question, “How did I get here? How did I not see this coming?” That they lose sight of the more important question, “Why am I staying?” Don’t spend too much time trying to answer questions that will not benefit you greatly. At this time you need to conserve your energies, don’t look backward only look forward.  Where do you want to be next Christmas morning, do you want to wake up to a peaceful holiday?  Or more of the same dysfunction?  

Abuse is calculated and you were groomed to accept this completely inappropriate behavior that you are living with now. It started with many small acts that sacrificed and ignored your needs. At first, it is so easy to dismiss this behavior.  For example, you never get to eat at the restaurants that you like, only the restaurants that he likes. This theme goes to you trying to turn up the heat in the car while you are driving. He turns it off and says, “You are not cold.”  Each of these things in isolation is not cause for alarm.  In an abusive relationship, this behavior will lead to other inappropriate behaviors more damaging.  What the abuser is doing is baiting you.  He is sending out small problems to you, not eating at your restaurant, not allowing you to use the heater.  He does these intentional low lying behaviors then watches your response.  To your credit you probably just thought this issue was about the heat in the car, right?   It isn’t but at the beginning, you would not know this.  It is not until you educate yourself about abusers’ behavior that you start to see how you were led into this abusive relationship.   It was task by task, item by item. No one meets someone for the first time, goes out to a nice dinner, and gets beaten up on the way home.  This would be waaay too easy. All of your self-protective sirens would be ringing at full speed.  You would get out of the car and say, “I never want to see you again!”  The abuser knows this intuitively they are an expert witness at human behavior.  In the beginning, abusers are hands down some of the most charming people you can meet.  They appear like the boy next door and will do anything for you. There is no standard timetable on when this changes, it just changes over time. Abusers are very patient while they create a seemingly perfect life with you only to turn the tables later.  If none of your needs ever get met and there is an unbalance of power in the relationship you are in an abusive relationship. You may wake up every day upset and unable to identify what is bothering you. Think of the unbalance of power, how as a couple you are always working to meet his endless need list.  Your needs never make the cut, this makes people feel anxious and unloved. You are not crazy, you are living in an unhealthy relationship. I think you should put this on a post-it note in your office.  So often the abuser wants you to believe you are crazy, this absorbs them of any wrongdoing.  Seeing small things like this can make a big difference in your thinking.  It can lead you on the path to wellness.

You should not spend your time changing something that does not need to be changed.  Domestic violence needs to be changed, domestic violence is not fair to those in its ugly web.  The damage that it does to children is life-changing.  If you have young daughters you are training them to accept this type of behavior in their future relationships.  If you have boys you are grooming them to be junior abusers.  Either of these things is enough for women to make changes to leave.  Many times women can not make changes for themselves because they have fallen into the belief of their abuser that their life and their needs are worth nothing.  I say if you feel into this belief, in time you can fall out of it. 

 “You are special too, don’t lose yourself.” Ernest Hemingway

Before women can even begin to think about leaving they have to take stock of their relationship.  They have to see the abuser as calculated and completely intentional in his behavior.  Their favorite trick is to get you to believe that your life and your needs are not important.  They work to get you to this point by repeated abuse, but then in time, they can back off because you believe this to your core.  They step back, smile at their twisted work, and silently celebrate that you are seeing yourself as worthless.  Don’t fall into this trap and it is a very large, tight, deadly trap.  Step back, become an observer in your own life, and see things from a different perspective.  When you become more objective you will start to see what is really going on.  It is not good news, don’t freak out.  Just become aware, notice things, start to accept your reality.  Don’t try to change what is happening in your house, I think this is a waste of your precious energy. Abusers don’t’ change, you can change, you can live happily ever after.  For next steps visit www.domesticshelters.org for life-changing resources.  You are not alone there is a team of people waiting by the phone for you:

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

For the month of October, I am offering Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT at a significant discount on my website: www.juliefederico.com

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Domestic Violence is Real

By Julie Federico

October is Domestic Violence awareness month.  I don’t think one month is enough time to shed a lot of light on domestic violence, it is a very complex issue.  But in light of this month’s celebration I wanted to offer hope to women living with domestic violence.  If hope can be found when your life has been turned upside down and you can not really tell anyone what is going on.

The people who say domestic violence is not real are the same people who say the Holocoust was a hoax.  Domestic violence is real, the pain is real, the chaos and dysfunction equally as real.   It is unfortunately true, it is all too real.  I think when you admit out loud that it is real, you can begin to accept the current situation, and then most importantly begin to change it. 

You need to think only in these simple terms and not shovel grief, regret, and guilt on yourself. Many women spend so much time trying to answer the peaceful sleep interrupted question, “How did I get here? How did I not see this coming?” That they lose sight of the more important question, “Why am I staying?” Don’t spend too much time trying to answer questions that will not benefit you greatly. At this time you need to conserve your energies, don’t look backwards only look forward.  Where do you want to be next Christmas morning, do you want to wake up to a peaceful holiday?  Or more of the same dysfunction?  

Abuse is calculated and you were groomed to accept this completely inappropriate behavior that you are living with now. It started with many small acts that sacrificed and ignored your needs. At first it is so easy to dismiss this behavior.  For example you never get to eat at the restaurants that you like, only the restaurants that he likes. This theme goes to you trying to turn up the heat in the car while you are driving. He turns it off and says, “You are not cold.”  Each of these things in isolation is not cause for alarm.  In an abusive relationship this behavior will lead to other inappropriate behaviors more damaging.  What the abuser is doing is baiting you.  He is sending out small problems to you, not eating at your restaurant, not allowing you to use the heater.  He does these intentional low lying behaviors then watches your response.  To your credit you probably just thought this issue was about the heat in the car, right?   It isn’t but at the beginning you would not know this.  It is not until you educate yourself about abusers behavior that you start to see how you were led into this abusive relationship.   It was task by task, item by item. No one meets someone for the first time, goes out to a nice dinner and gets beaten up on the way home.  This would be waaay too easy. All of your self protective syrians would be ringing at full speed.  You would get out of the car and say, “I never want to see you again!”  The abuser knows this intuitively they are an expert witness at human behavior.  At the beginning abusers are hands down some of the most charming people you can meet.  They appear like the boy next door and will do anything for you. There is no standard timetable on when this changes, it just changes over time. Abusers are very patient while they create the seemingly perfect life with you only to turn the tables later.  If none of your needs ever get met and there is an unbalance of power in your relationship you are in an abusive relationship. You may wake up everyday  upset and unable to identify what is bothering you. Think of the unbalance of power, how as a couple you are always working to meet his endless need list.  Your needs never make the cut, this makes people feel anxious and unloved. You are not crazy, you are living in an unhealthy relationship. I think you should put this on a post it note in your office.  So often the abuser wants you to believe you are crazy, this absorbs them of any wrongdoing.  Seeing small things like this can make a big difference in your thinking.  It can lead you on the path to wellness.

You should not spend your time changing something that does not need to be changed.  Domestic violence needs to be changed, domestic violence is not fair to those in its ugly web.  The damage that it does to children is life changing.  If you have young daughters you are training them to accept this type of behavior in their future relationships.  If you have boys you are grooming them to be junior abusers.  Either of these things are enough for women to make changes to leave.  Many times women can not make changes for themselves because they have fallen into the belief of their abuser that their life and their needs are worth nothing.  I say if you feel into this belief, in time you can fall out of it. 

 “You are special too, don’t lose yourself.” Ernest Hemingway

Before women can even begin to think about leaving they have to take stock of their relationship.  They have to see the abuser as calculated and completely intentional in his behavior.  Their favorite trick is to get you to believe that your life and your needs are not important.  They work to get you to this point by repeated abuse, but then in time they can back off because you believe this to your core.  They step back, smile at their twisted work and silently celebrate that you are seeing yourself as worthless.  Don’t fall into this trap and it is a very large, tight, deadly trap.  Step back, become an observer in your own life and see things from a different perspective.  When you become more objective you will start to see what is really going on.  It is not good news, don’t freak out.  Just become aware, notice things, start to accept your reality.  Don’t try to change what is happening in your house, I think this is a waste of your precious energy. Abusers don’t’ change, you can change, you can live happily ever after.  For next steps visit www.domesticshelters.org for life changing resources.  You are not alone there is a team of people waiting by the phone for you:

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

For the month of October, I am offering Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT at a significant discount on my website: www.juliefederico.com

Blog Talk Radio Show with Karen Allen

Focus on Women Magazine Blog Talk Radio with Host Karen Allen.

Karen spends some time talking about domestic violence and how to prevent it. Learn how to prevent domestic violence today!

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/lafemmedeprose/2018/11/08/anger-is-okay-violence-is-not

Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT. Toddler control anger book, domestic violence prevention.
El enojo esta’ BIEN La violencia NO Domestic violence prevention, toddler anger control book. This book is also in English.

Discount Books

As the virus rages and we all change our lives to accommodate the rage I think community becomes extra important. It is hard to have community while quarantined. I am trying to create community by blogging more and filling book orders the day they come in. I know it is a hard time to stay organized. I am offering agencies a discount on copies of Some Parts are NOT for Sharing for orders of over 30 books. The price drops to $6.00 a book for the color version and only $5.00 for the coloring book format. This book is available in Spanish and English. To secure this order email me at: [email protected]
Please stay safe out there!

How to prevent child abue
Some Parts are NOT for Sharing. Child abuse prevention book.
What can be done to prevent child abuse
This is a child’s first book on body safety and is for readers 0-9 years old.

Child Abuse: How to Prevent Child Abuse

Child Abuse

I write constantly about child abuse and child abuse prevention.  I do not know why this is still such a large issue in our culture.  I think some of the problem has to do with silence.   Child abuse is built on silence.  If you as a parent and person in charge of protecting your children say nothing, your child will say nothing to you if they are harmed.  Talk to your children about child abuse even if you do not know what to say.  By talking to them you are opening the door for them to talk to you if something were to happen to them.   It is just this simple.  If you need guidance read my landmark children’s book Some Parts are NOT for Sharing to them.  www.juliefederico.com  This book is appropriate for children as young as six months old.  It is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to body safety.  As your children age you will need other books my book educates the youngest of readers.  You want to be the first one to talk about this subject with your child not the perpetrator.  You want your child to learn that you want to hear from them at the first sign of trouble.  If you do this your child will be harmed only once, then they will self disclosure.  If you do not say anything most children will not say anything if someone violates them.  It is your choice as a parent do you want to protect your kids or not?   It is really that simple.  I would not wait. I would have this conversation today.  I think most parents wait too long to have this conversation. They think the time children are starting to do sleepovers at friends is a good time.  This is too late.  The average age kids are first approached is 4 years old.  You only have two years they are verbal and two years they are not verbal.  My 18 month old daughter understood my book Some Parts are NOT for Sharing. She was not a gifted child, just a regular kid.  I tell you this to encourage you to speak to really young children about this.  Here is a sample script, “Hey Luke, I was reading an article in the newspaper today about body safety.  I have talked to you about a lot of things.  I have never spoken about body safety.  Body safety means that your body is your own.  If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or upsets you I want to know as soon as possible.  You will not be in trouble, I want to hear this information.  I want you to stay safe and live freely.  I found this great book that describes more of what I am saying.”  Read Some Parts are NOT for Sharing.  Ask if they have questions, ask if anyone has ever touched them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.  Say that you want to know if anyone does this no matter who they are.  Most kids are harmed by family members so just prepare yourself.  9 times out of 10 your child will not be molested in a Walmart but are much more at risk at a family reunion.  Don’t freak out, just be aware. Awareness is your friend not your enemy. The media over publicizes children who are harmed in public places.  Very few people report their Uncle to the news so these stories are suppressed but these stories of family members harming kids is much, much more common.  I worked as a middle school counselor for over 15 years and I heard many stories of abuse.  Not one of them happened in a public place, they all happened in their own homes with their own families. I am trying to raise people’s awareness on this topic and get people talking.  Silence is your enemy, silence will harm your child, silence will not protect your child.  What can be done to prevent child abuse?  Start talking!  Start reading!  Start listening!

Julie Federico

[email protected]

How to prevent child abue
Some Parts are NOT for Sharing. Child abuse prevention book. Good touch bad touch.
What can be done to prevent child abuse
This is a child’s first book on body safety

#childabuse

#howtopreventchildabuse

How to prevent domestic violence and child abuse.

Prevention books for children ages 0-9 years old. There is no greater gift a parent can give than the gift of safety. Protect your children today!

How to stop school violence

small bad guys jacket

Julie Federico is a local award winning children’s author whom has authored books on child abuse prevention, anger control and now school violence prevention. She wrote The Bad Guys and Students Can Help Keep Schools Safe for the Sandy Hook community. These books teach children how to recognize intruders that may enter the school and how to report children in their own school who may be planning violence.

The Bad Guys: A Students/Teachers Guide to School Safety and Violence Prevention is a much-needed guide to promote school safety and violence prevention. This book directs students on recognizing potential danger and preparation if such and event occurs. The book offers students a pro-active approach to violence prevention. As a supplement, staff members are supported by a teacher’s guide for educators, and bonus student journal section. Parents and educators will appreciate the simple, non-threating language that creates a school safety message that every child must hear. Violence at school has never been addressed in this straight forward, preventative manner. This book has the potential to save many lives and put a significant dent in school violence.

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Both of these books are published by West Bow Press.   Students Can Help Keep Schools Safe will be released in February 2014.  Pre order sales: 1.866.928.1240 or [email protected]

Link to The Bad Guyshttp://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU-000627305/The-Bad-Guys.aspx

Audio Link to The Bad Guys :www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvFEytR1mwQ

Julie Federico was a middle school counselor before she began writing children’s services books. Her first book Some Parts are NOT for Sharing has sold more than 14,000 copies in the first four years of publication. Julie is not afraid to tackle difficult social problems she has written about domestic violence prevention, child abuse prevention, friendship issues, and now school and violence prevention. Aside from being a best selling children’s author Federico’s books have received the following awards: Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT and Some Parts are NOT for Sharing won honorable mention at the New England Book Festival in 2014. Some Parts are NOT for Sharing, Algunas Partes No Son Para Compartir and Anger is OKAY Violence is NOT won a first place award at the Colorado Independent Publisher’s Association EVVY awards in May 2013.

As Federico begins to uncork the mystery of school violence with the release of The Bad Guys and Students Can Help Keep Schools Safe her work could not be more timely or needed. Federico has a phenomenal understanding of school violence; she worked for Jefferson County Public Schools in 1999 and was a first responder at the Columbine shootings. School violence is something she understands on a personal and professional level. Her unique experience made her the perfect candidate to bring healing to the Newtown, CT. community. Both of her school violence prevention books are dedicated to the Sandy Hook school community in Newtown, CT. These books instruct students what to do if they encounter an intruder in the school or know of a student that is threatening violence. These books have the potential to save many lives.

Federico is a master at taking on difficult social topics, breaking them down into a language that children can understand, explaining the problem and offering solutions to solve the problem. Her writing is unconventional, refreshing and so needed in the world we live in today.

[email protected]
www.juliefederico.com

Steps To Prevent Child Abuse

Child Sexual Abuse Prevention

Domestic Violence and Children