This information was shared by Abuse No More on Facebook. It is a wonderful list, full of validation for those living with domestic violence.
Abusers frequently have the following characteristics:
Often blow up in anger at small incidents. He or she is often easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really very angry.
Are excessively jealous: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser may claim that jealousy is a sign of his or her love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love.
Like to isolate victim: He or she may try to cut you off from social supports, accusing the people who act as your support network of “causing trouble.”
Have a poor self-image; are insecure.
Blame others for their own problems.
Blame others for their own feelings and are very manipulative. An abusive person will often say “you make me mad”, “you’re hurting me by not doing what I ask”, or “I can’t help being angry”.
Often are alcohol or drug abusers.
May have a family history of violence.
May be cruel to animals and/or children.
May have a fascination with weapons.
May think it is okay to solve conflicts with violence.
Often make threats of violence, breaking or striking objects.
Often use physical force during arguments.
Often use verbal threats such as, “I’ll slap your mouth off”, “I’ll kill you”, or “I’ll break your neck”. Abusers may try to excuse this behaviour by saying, “everybody talks like that”.
May hold rigid stereotypical views of the roles of men and women. The abuser may see women as inferior to men, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
Are very controlling of others. Controlling behaviours often grow to the point where victims are not allowed to make personal decisions.
May act out instead of expressing themselves verbally.
May be quick to become involved in relationships. Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together.
May have unrealistic expectations. The abuser may expect his or her partner to fulfill all his or her needs. The abusive person may say, “If you love me, I’m all you need- you’re all I need”.
May use “playful” force during sex, and/or may want to act out sexual fantasies in which the victim is helpless.
May say things that are intentionally cruel and hurtful in order to degrade, humiliate, or run down the victim’s accomplishments.
Tend to be moody and unpredictable. They may be nice one minute and the next minute explosive. Explosiveness and mood swings are typical of men who beat their partners.
May have a history of battering: the abuser may admit to hitting others in the past, but will claim the victim “asked for” it. An abuser will beat any woman he is with; situational circumstances do not make a person abusive.